Notes on Writing CRYBABY: Editing Sucks
With CRYBABY breaking 50,000 words in the last few weeks, I’ve decided to take a step back and start focusing on revising the book top to bottom every single day. The book isn’t done exactly, there are still at least two chapters to be written, but spending time revising is more important than the writing itself. I learn so much from unspooling the text and making things fit together more coherently. Plus, it’s a very humbling experience, reading over a chapter draft and realizing, “Oh, yeah, I need to rewrite all of this.” These revising sessions keep me honest.
That said, editing sucks, friends. Sometimes, I really do pick up momentum and the portions of the book I’m working on shape up into stronger prose. Most of the time, though, the editing comes in the form of micro-changes that take hours. A few words here, some deletions there, and maybe a sentence moved around. With CRYBABY, I’m finding myself spending two or three hours a day making very few “plentiful” changes, and after a day of barely upping my word count, I’m wrestling with the question of, “Am I making progress?” At the start of a book project, it’s very easy to pat yourself on the back when you’ve written thousands of words in a week. At this stage in the work, however, everything comes down to the smallest decisions making the largest impact.
On paper, I understand the micro-changes I’m making are critical. The work is smoothing out, and the text is stronger every day. I finally shared a “completed” chapter with my wife’s 90-year-old Pop-Pop, and he’s enjoying it! There are things to celebrate, of course, but they are largely bogged down by a looming sense of dread as I face the page and wonder if I really can write and revise and deliver a second book. Some days, I feel that all-important delusional self-belief while I’m writing. Other days, I am nothing more than mortified. When I talk to other writers, they feel largely the same.
I’m still left wondering if the work I do in a day matters to the overall success of CRYBABY. But it has to—right? Being honest, unlike writing and editing Book of Mac, CRYBABY has really rocked my confidence. I haven’t been able to step back, look at the book, and think, “Wow, I really did it.” But I like the work quite a bit. Beneath all this worry, I feel pride in what I’ve been able to accomplish so far. And what I accomplish every day. I know this is my sharpest writing yet. The book editing process is a pain, and I’m working to see it as more valuable than it currently feels. In the end, I believe in CRYBABY. Meaning, I have to believe in myself.